You may be asking, what a 90's rapper whose fame was borne from his love of butts and one of the greatest modern Feminist/Activist have in common. It's actually rather simple - they both influenced my understanding that the number on the scale and my worth as a woman, as a human - were in no way connected.
I discovered Mix-A-Lot before Friedan. I was 13 and the "Baby Got Back" video had been temporarily banned from MTV, all the more alluring. The ban was due to the fact that this song can be seen as derogatory. The lyrics go no deeper than the rapper's attraction to large behinds. The song never stood out to me that way because, well, a lot of popular songs could be seen as derogatory and I was desensitized. For me, it was the first song ever (heck the first media message ever) that said being extremely thin wasn't all that. Let me offer some lyrics of example:
"I ain't talkin' bout Playboy. Cuz silicone parts are made for toys" and "So Cosmo says you're fat / Well I ain't down with that!".
and my personal favorite:
"Give me a sister, I can't resist her. Red beans and rice didn't miss her"
In 1992, that was enough hope for me at the time that maybe, just maybe, there wasn't something wrong with me. That the shape of my body was the shape it was meant to be. Similar to the writings of Friedan, so too does "Baby Got Back" offer an assuring confidence to it's audience. Through the years that confidence has had heights and valleys. but has always been reclaimed. "Baby Got Back" is a small piece of where I have gotten the confidence I enjoy today. There are still moments of insecurity but those moments are brief.
During those brief moments, I am blessed to have many positive influences to rely on. Recently I used one of those tools. At a restaurant I got up to use the restroom. Walking through a dining room full of patrons left me a little insecure by the time I reached the restroom. To return to the table, I kept my head high and my shoulders back reciting a favorite poem in my head. I arrived at the table smiling and feeling better. This is the poem:
Phenomenal Women
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I wish I could implant this into every woman's mind. Fewer things are as frustrating as seeing a woman whose body has delivered her from many traumas and provided many blessings yet, all she sees in the mirror is "fat". I have been there before myself. At some point you realize that putting yourself down doesn't change your body and at best has a neutral effect; the worst, it keeps you locked into a pity party of "I can't change". There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and getting to a good weight for you (regardless if it's gaining or losing that will get you there). All too often I have seen women become obsessed with this ideal of what they should be, when that 'ideal' is all wrong and came not from a place of health and acceptance but from magazines that photoshop size 2 models to be even thinner.
Maybe my perspective comes from my own roller coaster of weight. I have been everywhere on the scale from 145 to 210. I would like to slim down from where I am now but I refuse to follow impractical weight guides. It states that as a 5'7" female I should weigh between 118 (WTF) and 159. I feel my best at 170 and that is my personal goal. When I weighed 145 - I was miserable! Pale, sickly and always tired. In fact, as I write, I am at the top part of my weight and if my choices were between 145 or 210; well I'm much more comfortable and happier at 210.
I am breaking an unspoken women's 'rule'. I just publicly displayed my weight and it's not even my goal weight. But I have to put my money where my mouth is - and if anyone thinks less of me, or thinks 210 lbs in some way reflects my character and who I am as a person - well feel free to kiss my big white butt.
